Urukundo ni rwiza, ndetse ibyiyumvuro rutera ntibisanzwe, icyakora hari icyo abenshi batarabasha gusobanukira. Kuki kwibagirwa urukundo rwa mbere bisa n’ibidashoboka? Ku bantu benshi, urukundo rwa mbere ni kimwe mu bintu bishobora kubasigira urwibutso rukomeye mu buzima.

Nubwo hashira imyaka myinshi cyangwa umuntu akagira abandi bakunzi, hari ubwo izina, indirimbo, ahantu cyangwa ikintu gito bihita bimwibutsa umuntu bakundanye bwa mbere.

Abahanga mu mitekerereze n’imikorere y’ubwonko bavuga ko ibi bifitanye isano n’uko ubwonko bwandika ibintu bishya, cyane cyane iyo biherekejwe n’amarangamutima akomeye.

Ku bantu benshi, urukundo rwa mbere rubaho mu gihe cy’ubugimbi n’ubwangavu cyangwa mu ntangiriro z’ubusore n’ubukumi. Iki ni igihe umuntu aba atangiye kugira ubumenyi bushya mu mibanire n’abandi, ndetse n’ubwonko bukaba burimo kunyura mu mpinduka zikomeye.

Catherine Loveday, inzobere mu bijyanye n’imikorere y’ubwonko muri University of Westminster, yagiye agaragaza ko ubunararibonye bubaho mu bihe by’ingenzi by’ubuzima bushobora gusigira umuntu urwibutso rukomeye.

Iyo ikintu ari ubwa mbere kibaye, kikagira uburemere bukomeye ku buzima bw’umuntu cyangwa kigatera amarangamutima akomeye, ubwonko bushobora kukibika mu buryo bwimbitse kurusha ibintu bisanzwe bibaho buri munsi.

Ni yo mpamvu urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kutibukwa nk’ikindi gikorwa gisanzwe. Ruba ruherekejwe no kumva ibintu bishya: gukunda umuntu ku nshuro ya mbere, kumukumbura, kwishima iyo umuvugishije, gutinya kumubura cyangwa kugira agahinda iyo umubano wanyu urangiriye.

Ubwonko ntibubika ibintu byose umuntu abona cyangwa anyuramo ku rugero rumwe. Ibintu biba bifite amarangamutima akomeye bishobora kugira amahirwe menshi yo kwibukwa igihe kirekire.

Urukundo rwa mbere rero rushobora kuba rufite ibyo byiyumvo byinshi icyarimwe. Ibyo byose bishobora gutuma ubwonko buha icyo gihe agaciro kihariye.

Loveday, wagiye akora ubushakashatsi ku buryo abantu bibuka ibyababayeho, yagaragaje ko abantu bageze no mu myaka 70 na 80 bashobora gukomeza kugira ibyo bibuka neza ku rukundo rwabo rwa mbere.

Ibi byerekana ko iyo umuntu amaze gutandukana n’umukunzi we wa mbere, bitavuze ko ubwonko buhita busiba ibyabaye byose.

Imisemburo n’ubwonko bigira uruhare mu rukundo

Urukundo ntiruba mu bitekerezo gusa. Rujyana n’impinduka mu mikorere y’umubiri n’ubwonko.

Mu gihe cy’ubugimbi n’ubwangavu, imisemburo y’imyororokere nka estrogen na testosterone iriyongera, igira uruhare mu mpinduka z’umubiri no mu buryo umuntu atangira kugira ubushake bwo gukurura no gukururwa n’abandi.

Iyo umuntu atangiye gukundana, ibikorwa bitandukanye by’ubwonko na byo birahinduka. Dopamine, ifitanye isano n’ibyishimo no gushaka kongera gukora ikintu cyatumye umuntu yumva maerewe neza, iriyongera.

Oxytocin na yo igira uruhare mu guhuza abantu no kubaka ubucuti, mu gihe serotonin na yo ifitanye isano n’imikorere y’umutima n’ubwenge.

Ibi ntibisobanura ko hari “umusemburo w’urukundo” umwe gusa utuma umuntu adashobora kwibagirwa uwo bakundanye. Ahubwo urukundo ni igikorwa kigoye kirimo imikoranire y’imisemburo, uturemangingo tw’ubwonko, amarangamutima n’ubunararibonye.

Urukundo rwa mbere rwigisha umuntu ubwoko bushya bw’umubano

Hari ikindi kintu abahanga bavuga ko gituma urukundo rwa mbere rugira umwanya wihariye: ni ubumenyi bushya mu mibanire.

Umuntu aba asanzwe azi urukundo rw’ababyeyi, abo mu muryango cyangwa ubucuti bw’inshuti zisanzwe. Ariko gukundana n’umuntu mu buryo bw’urukundo bituma yinjira mu bwoko bushya bw’umubano.

Catherine Loveday asobanura ko umuntu aba agomba kwiga kwizera umuntu utari mu muryango we wa hafi, kumwiyegereza no gusangira na we amarangamutima.

Ni ubunararibonye bushobora kumwigisha ibintu byinshi birimo kwizerana, gutanga no kwakira urukundo, gushyiraho imipaka, gukemura amakimbirane no guhangana n’ingaruka zo gutandukana igihe bibaye.

Ni yo mpamvu urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kugira akamaro karenze uwo muntu nyirizina. Rushobora kuba igice cy’igihe umuntu yatangiye kumenya neza uko imibanire y’abantu ikora.

Ubushakashatsi ku bantu basubiranye n’abakunzi babo ba mbere

Umuhanga mu mitekerereze y’abantu Nancy Kalish na we yakoze ubushakashatsi ku bantu bongeye guhura n’abahoze ari abakunzi babo nyuma y’imyaka myinshi batandukanye.

Mu bushakashatsi bwe bwo mu myaka ya za 1990, yakurikiranye abantu benshi bari barongeye guhura n’abakunzi babo ba mbere nyuma y’igihe kinini.

Bimwe mu byagaragaye ni uko abantu bashoboraga kongera kugira amarangamutima akomeye iyo bongeye guhura n’umuntu bakundanye kera, cyane cyane iyo gutandukana kwabo kwatewe n’ibihe cyangwa imiterere y’ubuzima aho kuba batagikundana.

Ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje kandi ko bamwe mu bantu bongeye guhura bari ingaragu cyangwa abapfakazi, bigatuma bagira amahirwe yo kongera kugerageza urukundo rwabo.

Mu mibare yavuzwe mu bushakashatsi bwe, igice kinini cy’abari bongeye guhura cyakomeje umubano kugeza no ku gushyingiranwa.

Nyuma y’ikwirakwira rya Internet n’imbuga nkoranyambaga, kubona umuntu mwatandukanye kera byarushijeho koroha, bituma abantu benshi bashobora kongera guhura n’abo bakundanye mu gihe cyashize.

Kuki urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kugaruka mu bitekerezo nyuma y’imyaka?

Hari ikintu abahanga bita autobiographical memory, cyangwa urwibutso rw’ibintu byabaye mu buzima bw’umuntu. Ni uburyo ubwonko bubikamo ibintu umuntu yabayemo, aho kubibika nk’amakuru gusa, bukabibika nk’ibintu bikomeye.

Urwibutso nk’uru rushobora kuba rufitanye isano n’ahantu, indirimbo, abantu, impumuro cyangwa ibindi bimenyetso byibutsa umuntu igihe runaka cy’ubuzima bwe. Urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kuba rufite byinshi bihuriyeho n’uru rwibutso.

Indirimbo mwakundaga kumva, ahantu mwajyaga, umunsi runaka, amagambo umuntu yakubwiye cyangwa n’impumuro runaka bishobora kuba nk’“urufunguzo” rutuma urwibutso rw’icyo gihe rwongera kugaruka.

Ni yo mpamvu umuntu ashobora kuba amaze imyaka myinshi adatekereza kuri uwo muntu, ariko ikintu gito kikamwibutsa byinshi icyarimwe.

Kudasiba urwibutso si kimwe no gukomeza kumukunda

Nubwo urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kugumana nawe nk’urwibutso rw’igihe kirekire, ibyo ntibisobanura ko umuntu aba agomba gukomeza gukunda uwo muntu cyangwa ngo ntakomeze ubuzima bwe.

Hari itandukaniro hagati yo kwibuka umuntu no gukomeza kumwifuza mu buzima bwawe.

Umuntu ashobora kwibuka urukundo rwa mbere akumva nostalgia cyangwa akibuka uko yiyumvaga muri icyo gihe, ariko ibyo ntibivuze ko ashaka gusubirana n’uwo muntu.

Rimwe na rimwe, umuntu aba atibuka gusa uwo bakundanye; aba yibuka umuntu yari we muri icyo gihe, uko yatekerezaga, uko yiyumvaga, ibyo yarotaga n’ubuzima yari afite. Ni yo mpamvu urukundo rwa mbere rukunze gusiga “ikimenyetso”

Abahanga ntibavuga ko abantu bose bibabaho ngo bananirwe kwibagirwa urukundo rwa mbere, kuko ubunararibonye bw’abantu butandukanye.

Ariko urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kugira umwanya ukomeye kubera ko ruhuza ibintu byinshi icyarimwe: ubunararibonye bushya, ubwonko burimo gukura, amarangamutima akomeye, imisemburo, kwiga imibanire n’urwibutso rw’ibintu by’ingenzi byabaye mu buzima.

Ni yo mpamvu, nyuma y’imyaka myinshi, umuntu ashobora kumva indirimbo imwe cyangwa kunyura ahantu hamwe maze urwibutso rwa kera rukagaruka.

Urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kuba rwararangiye, ariko urwibutso rw’uko umuntu yiyumvaga muri icyo gihe rushobora gukomeza kubaho. Kandi urwo rwibutso rushobora gukomeza kubaho kugeza mu zabukuru.

Bityo, ikibazo si uko umuntu yaba “atarashoboye kwibagirwa” urukundo rwa mbere; ahubwo ni uko ubwonko bwacu bushobora kuba bwararwanditse nk’imwe mu nkuru zikomeye z’ubuzima bwacu.