Hari igihe umuntu yitangira urukundo cyangwa inshuti ku buryo bwimbitse, abikorana umutima wose n’urukundo rwinshi. Ariko se, igihe cyose aho kwiyumva mu rukundo, wumva uhorana impungenge zo gutakaza uwo ukunda? Ese iyo atishimye ni wowe wumva wabaye nabi? Ese iyo hari icyo ukeneye, wumva cyagombye gutegereza kuko ibye bihutirwa kurusha ibyawe?
Aha ni ho hahera ikibazo kitagaragara ako kanya ariko gishobora kwangiza umutima, codependency mu ndimi z’amahanga – umubano aho umuntu atangira kubaho nk’igikoresho cy’undi, aho kuba umuntu wuzuye ufite icyerekezo n’ubuzima bwe.
Codependency ni iki?
Codependency ni imibanire mibi hagati y’abantu, aho umwe yitanga akarenza urugero, akumva ko ibyishimo by’undi ari byo byonyine bifite agaciro, agashyira inyungu n’amarangamutima y’undi imbere y’ibye. Ibi ntibiba gusa mu rukundo, binabaho mu nshuti n’imiryango. Aho kwiyumva nk’ufatanyije n’undi mu rukundo, wiyumva nk’ukoresha imbaraga nyinshi ngo umuhe ibyishimo, ariko ukabikora utabona igaruka, ndetse ugatakaza n’ubwigenge bwawe.
Impamvu zishobora gutera codependency
Abenshi bagira imibanire nk’iyi baba barabayeho mu muryango wuzuyemo amakimbirane, kwirengagizwa cyangwa ihohoterwa. Hari aho aba bantu bakura biyumvamo ko kugira ngo bemekwe cyangwa barindwe, bagomba kwitanga bitagabanije. Ibi bigakura bikarenga aho kuba uburyo bwo kubaho neza, bikaba ubuzima bwo kubaho ubereye abandi gusa.
Hari n’aho imyumvire ya sosiyete, nk’uko usanga abagore bategerezwa kwita ku bandi kurusha kwita ku byo bakeneye, igira uruhare mu kubaka bene iyi mibanire. Ababana n’abantu bafite ibibazo by’ubusinzi cyangwa ibiyobyabwenge nabo bashobora kwiyumva nk’abagomba gukiza abandi, kabone n’iyo baba bishyira mu kaga.
Dore ibimenyetso 10 bigaragaza ko uri mu mubano urimo codependency:
1. Uhora witanga, kabone n’iyo bikugiraho ingaruka
Si bibi gufasha cyangwa kwita ku wo mukundana. Ariko iyo buri gihe uhindura gahunda zawe, uha undi iby’ingenzi byose ukibagirwa ibyo ukeneye, uba uri kwitanga bitari mu rugero.
2. Wumva ushinzwe amarangamutima y’undi
Iyo uwo mukundana ababaye, nawe urababara. Ariko si inshingano yawe gutuma yishima cyangwa guhindura uko yitwara. Kwumva ko wishima gusa igihe undi yishimye ni ikimenyetso cy’umubano utuzuye.
3. Ushyiramo imbaraga nyinshi, ariko ntuzihabwe
Ushobora kwitanga mu buryo bwose, ugaha urukundo, igihe, inama n’inkunga. Ariko ntubone igisubizo kijyanye n’ubwo witanga. Ibi ni ibimenyetso by’uko uri kwiyanga ku nyungu z’umubano udaha agaciro ibyo ukora.
4. Ufite ubwoba bwo gutereranwa
Uko witanga, ntubikora gusa kuko ushaka gufasha, ahubwo kuko utinya ko natavaho ubura uwo ukunda. Ibyo bikagutera kwemera ibitagushimisha, ukaba igikoresho kugira ngo utavaho uteshejwe agaciro.
5. Wishima gusa iyo uwo mukundana yishimye
Iyo ibyishimo byawe bishingira ku by’undi, ukabura ubushobozi bwo kwishimira ibyawe bwite, uba utangiye kubaho nk’igicucu cy’undi muntu.
6. Wita cyane ku byo abandi bavuga kukuvuga
N’ubwo kwiyitaho no kugira isura nziza imbere y’abandi atari bibi, iyo ugira ubwoba buri gihe bwo kutemerwa, ukigira uko utari kugira ngo abandi bakwemere, uba uri guta ubuzima bwawe mu izina ryo kwiyumvamo abandi.
7. Utinya impinduka
Impinduka mu mubano zishobora kugutera ubwoba, ukagira ngo nihagira icyahinduka undi azakureka. Ibi bigutera kwihambira ku wo mukundana, utinya ko yakwiyongera akagusiga.
8. Wumva ko ibyo ukora bigomba guhabwa agaciro n’undi kugira ngo byumvikane
Ntushobora kugira icyemezo gifatika utabanje kubona ko cyemerwa n’undi. Ukeneye gushimwa, gushimagizwa, kugira ngo wumve ko uri gukora neza. Ibi bigutwara ubushobozi bwo kwizera ubushake bwawe.
9. Nta buzima ufite hanze y’uwo mukundana
Ntufite inshuti, ntukigira ibyo ukora byagushimisha wenyine. Uburyo bwose bwo kubaho bushingiye ku wo mukundana, ubuzima bwawe bwaragose, n’icyo utekereza kuri wowe kiva ku byo undi akubwira cyangwa akwereka.
10. Wumva abandi bagomba kugufatira ibyemezo
Watinya gufata umwanzuro kubera gutinya ko uzibeshya, ugategereza ko undi akwereka icyo ugomba gukora. Aha uba waratakaje icyerekezo n’ubushobozi bwo kuyobora ubuzima bwawe.
Ni gute wabivamo?
Kubaho muri bene uyu mubano ntibisaba imbaraga zidasanzwe ngo uhinduke. Gusa bisaba gukunda ubuzima bwawe no kwiyemeza kwisubiza icyubahiro.
1. Tangira wiyumve: Itekerezeho. Menya aho byatangiriye. Ese ni ukubera uko wakuriye? Ese ni ihungabana wahuye naryo?
2. Wiyubakire icyizere: Tangira kwiyizera, kwishimira ibyo ushoboye. Gerageza kujya ubona agaciro kawe n’iyo ntawe ugashimagije.
3. Shyiraho imbibi: Tangira kuvuga “oya” igihe bikenewe. Sobanurira uwo mukundana uko wifuza gufatwa, kandi ugerageze kugendera ku byo wemera.
4. Menya uko wubatse amarangamutima yawe: Iga gutandukanya gukunda no kwifatira ibyemezo utitaye ku gutinya guterwa umugongo.
5. Baho ubwawe: Tangira kwiyitaho, ujye mu bikorwa bitari ibyawe wenyine n’uwo mukundana. Sura inshuti, kora siporo, jya mu bikorwa bikurimo gusa.
6. Iga kurekura: Menya ko atari inshingano yawe gukiza abandi. Gufasha ni byiza, ariko ntubikorere kwemezwa cyangwa gutinya gusigara.
Icyizere kiracyahari
Iyo umaze kumenya ibimenyetso bya codependency, ufite amahirwe yo kwigobotora uwo mubano ugutesha agaciro. Si ibintu bihinduka ako kanya, ariko bishoboka. Niba wumva ukomeje kugira ibibazo nk’ibi, ushobora kwegera inzobere mu mitekerereze zikagufasha gusobanukirwa uko wagarura ubuzima bwawe n’ubwigenge mu rukundo.
