Bijya bibaho ko umwe mu bashakanye wumva ko yakunze undi muntu kandi ari yaramaze guhitamo uwo bazabana. Birashoboka ko urwo rukundo rwabo runakomeza akaba yasiga uwo bari barashakanye agasanga undi mushya. Muri iyi nkuru tugiye kureba impamvu zituma umwe mu bashakanye yisanga akururwa n’undi n’icyo wakora igihe bikubayeho.
Umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze witwa Mullinax avuga ko kuba umuntu wubatse yakibona akururwa n’undi muntu batashakanye nta kibazo kirimo. Aho biba ari ibyiyumviro biza ako kanya ariko nyuma bigashira. Mu bushakashatsi we n’abandi bakoreye ku bagore biga muri kaminuza yo mu Buhinde bagaragaje ko abagera kuri 70% bemeje ko bigeze gukururwa n’undi muntu batashakanye. Gusa bavuga ko bihita bishirira aho, kuko abagera kuri 5% gusa aribo bemeje ko gukururwa byaje kuvamo urukundo rubaganisha guca inyuma abo bashakanye, Ku rundi ruhande ariko hari abavuga ko igihe cyose wiyumvisemo ko wakuruwe n’undi muntu mutashakanye kandi waramaze guhitamo icyo gihe uba wamaze gutangira inzira yo kumuca inyuma.Ari abavuga ko gukururwa n’uwo mutashakanye nta kibazo kirimo ari n’ababona ko harimo ikibazo, bose icyo bahuriraho nuko hari impamvu zituma ukururwa n’uwo batashakanye agera ku rwego rwo kumva yamukunze akaba yanaca inyuma uwo bashakanye.
Dore impamvu zimwe zituma gukururwa n’undi muntu bivamo urukundo no guta uwo mwashakanye:
1.Kuba urugo rwawe ruri mu bibazo: Iyo musanzwe mutumvikana n’uwo mwashakanye biroroshye ko ukururwa n’abandi bagore cyangwa se abandi bagabo. Bamwe bagenda bashaka amahoro kuko bumva ko bayaburiye mu rugo rwabo. Nyamara icyiza nuko wari ukwiye kubanza gukora uko ushoboye ugarura amahoro mu rugo rwawe aho gutwarwa umutima n’abandi. Ikinda ugomba kuzirikana nuko urukundo rwose rugira igihe k’ibibazo n’igihe cy’ibyishimo. Gusa urukundo ruramba rwo nuko ba nyirarwo baba bazi uko bakemura ibibazo bagirana hagati yabo.
2.Guhora ubona ibibi gusa by’ uwo mwashakanye: Akenshi iyo uhora ubona ibibi gusa by’uwo mwashakanye biroroshye ko wisanga wakuruwe n’undi mutashakanye. Ibyo biterwa nuko uwo mwashakanye umubona ukamubonamo ibibi naho k’uwundi we ukaba ujya kureba ibyiza utabona k’uwo mwashakanye. Nta muntu ubaho w’umutagatifu, ari abagore ari n’abagabo buri wese aba afite uruhande rubi n’urwiza. Iyo rero ushaka kubaka urugo runezerewe kandi rurambye wirinda guha agaciro ibibi kurusha ibyiza by’uwo mwashakanye.
3.Ibibazo biza nyuma yo kubaka urugo:Nyuma yo gushinga urugo hari ubwo hagati y’abashakanye havuka ibibazo byo kuba bari basanzwe batabana no kuba umuntu aribwo aba yiyereka uwo bashakanye ntacyo amukinze. Rimwe na rimwe ibyo bibazo bituma utangira kwibaza ko ushobora kuba waribeshye k’uwo mwashakanye. Iyo ugize undi muntu mukubitana ubona ko ariwe ugukunze kurusha uwo mubana. Nyamara burya nawe ushobora kumukurikira ugasanga ibyo usize urabisanze.
4.Kuba utarigeze ukunda uwo mwashakanye: Muri iyi minsi usanga kubeshyanya ko mukundana byaragwiriye ku buryo umuntu murinda mujya kubana uziko agukunda kandi akuryarya. Niba waraje ukurikiye ibindi bintu k’uwo mwashakanye niyo wabibona ntabwo umutima wawe uzatuza ngo wihingemo urukundo ruze. Niho uzasanga ahubwo wisanze ukururwa n’abandi ukabona ibyiza byabo rimwe na rimwe uwo mwashakanye abifite ariko kuko utamukunze ntabyo wabona.
5.Kuba umuntu ugukurura afite ibyo agamije: Hari ubwo wibwira ko yuri gukururwa n’undi muntu mutashakanye ukumva ko biterwa no kuba umukunze nyamara we akaba aguhiga afite ikindi agamije. Shishoza n’usanga uwo muntu afite ibindi agamije birimo kugusenyera, kurya amafaranag yawe, kukwinezezaho ( urugero abagabo bashobora agutanga byose ku bakobwa bakabarya umutima kuko bashaka kubafata nk’ibikoresho byo kwishimisha) n’ibindi. Uramutse ubonye ko uwo muntu ariwe uba ukwitoratozaho kuko afite indi mpamvu, wamuhungira kure kuko yazakugwisha mu mutego ukazabibona nyuma.
Muri make ntabwo wavuga ko uzirinda guhura n’abandi bantu kimwe nuko utazabirinda uwo mwashakanye. Gusa icyo ugomba kuzirikana nuko uwo mwashakanye wamuhisemo mu bandi kandi nawe ukamuha icyo cyizere cyo kuba yaragutoranyije mu bandi. Ibyo bizabarinda kwa gukururwa n’abandi kugera ku rwego rwo kuba urukundo no kuba mwacana inyuma. Nta mpamvu n’imwe ukwiye kwitwaza icyo ugomba guharanire nuko wasigasira urukundo rw’uwo mwashakanye ukaba aribyo ushyiramo imbaraga.
