“Bite se?” ushobora kuba ubibwira umuntu mutigeze mugirana ikiganiro. Ashobora gusubiza ati “Ni byiza, nawe se?” Hanyuma mukavugana gato ku kirere, umukino uheruka, uko traffique yagenze mu gitondo cyangwa uko imbwa ye yakoze agasekeje.
Ni amagambo asa n’aho ntacyo avuze. Ariko muri ako kanya gato, hari isano iba iri kubakwa hagati y’abantu babiri. Hari urukundo rutuje, rutari urwo kubana cyangwa gushyingiranwa, ahubwo urwo kwiyegereza, guha undi agaciro, no kumwereka ko ahari.
Hari abatinya ibyo biganiro byoroheje, cyangwa bakabifata nk’ubusa. Ariko ukuri ni uko ari inkingi y’ibiganiro bifite ireme. Ni ho inshuti nyinshi zitangirira, n’aho abantu benshi bubakiyemo ikizere n’urukundo rutagaragara amaso ariko rwuzuye umutima.
Matt Abrahams, impuguke mu mibanire yigisha muri Kaminuza ya Stanford, avuga ko small talk ari “irembo rigana ku biganiro birimo ubuzima bwimbitse.” Ati: “Hari amahirwe menshi ko inshuti zawe, wenda n’umukunzi wawe, mwahuriye mu kiganiro cyoroheje cyatangiye nko kuri ‘Bite se?’.”
Abantu benshi bashobora kumva batinya kuvugana n’abo badasanzwe bazi, cyane cyane iyo ikiganiro kidasobanuwe mbere. Kumva ko ugomba kuvuga neza, vuba kandi udahagarara, bitera igitutu gikomeye. Ariko ibyo biganiro byoroheje bifite umumaro utangaje.
Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, impuguke mu mitekerereze yigisha mu Bwongereza, avuga ko abantu bakeneye kumva ko bari kumwe n’abandi, ko bafite agaciro — nk’uko bakeneye amafunguro n’amazi. Mu bushakashatsi bwe, yagaragaje ko abantu bagirana ibiganiro byoroheje buri munsi n’abantu batandukanye — nk’umuturanyi, umucuruzi, cyangwa umugenzi — barushaho kumva bafite aho babarizwa.
Uko waganira n’abo mutari musanzwe mumenyeranye, niko ugira icyizere, wumva utari wenyine, ndetse no gukundwa cyangwa gukunda ntibiguma mu nzozi gusa. Urukundo rutangirira ku gutega amatwi, ku kumwenyura, no ku magambo make yuzuye impuhwe.
Inama zo kwiga kuganira n’abandi uko byagenda kose
Dr. Sunita Sah, wigisha ibijyanye n’imibanire muri Kaminuza ya Cornell, avuga ko umuntu ashobora kwitegura ibiganiro by’improvisation — nko mu birori cyangwa inama. Gutekereza ibyo ushobora kubaza cyangwa kumenya ibijyanye n’abo muri kumwe biragufasha.
Iyo ntacyo witeguye, ushobora gutangira n’ijambo rimwe ryoroheje: “Mwabonye uburyo imvura iri kugwa?” cyangwa “Wasohotse mu mpera z’icyumweru?” Ayo ni amagambo atagira igitutu, ariko afite ububasha bwo gufungura umutima w’undi.
Abrahams avuga ko ibyo biganiro atari umukino wa tennis, aho umuntu ahita asubiza vuba. Ahubwo ni nko gukina igikinisho gito mufatanya, mwirinda kugihanura. “Ni ugushishikazwa n’uwo muri kumwe, aho kwirata ko ushishikaje. Ibyo bihindura byinshi,” asobanura.
Buri gihe si ngombwa gusubiza ako kanya. Ushobora gutuza, ukavuga uti “Reka ntekerezeho gato,” cyangwa ugasaba ibisobanuro — ibyo byose biguha amahoro mu mutima no mu mubano.
Gusuhuza ni ukugira urukundo
Nk’uko Sandstrom abivuga, uko wigisha gukunda ibiganiro bito, niko bikorohera. Iyo umaze igihe utabikora, bishobora kugutera ubwoba. Ariko uko ubikora kenshi, niko wumva wiyumvamo ubushobozi bwo kuganira, gutega amatwi, gukundwa no gukunda.
Iyo ubwiye umuntu uti “Bite se?” ntuba umubajije gusa uko amerewe. Hari ubwo uba utangiye urugendo rujya ku mutima. Hari ubwo uba ufunguye umuryango w’urukundo — urwo kwiyumvanamo, kumva ko umuntu afite agaciro, no kumwereka ko atari wenyine.