Burya n’ubwo abasore bose badateye kimwe, hari ibintu bahuriyeho nk’imyumvire n’imitekerereze rusange, bityo ibi bikaba ari ibintu 20 byafasha umukobwa wifuza kuba uw’igikundiro ku mukunzi we, akabasha kunogera no kwishimirwa n’umusore bakundana kuburyo amwifuzaho kuba yamubera umufasha.
1. Gerageza kugaragara neza uko ushoboye kose:Abasore burya bakururwa cyane n’ibigaragara kandi aba yumva yaterwa ishema no kugira umukunzi ugaragara neza, umwe azahura nawe ari kumwe n’inshuti ze ntagire ipfunwe ryo kuziratira ko ariwe mwamikazi w’umutima we. Iyiteho kandi ugaragaze isuku nk’umwari ubikwiye koko aho unyura abone ko uhanyurana umucyo.
2. Hora iteka ufite impumuro nziza: Abasore burya n’ubwo atari ko bose bakunda kwitera imibavu ariko burya bakunda cyane umukobwa uhumura neza, umwe umusuhuza akamuhobera bamara gutandukana akumva aracyumva impumuro ye. Nk’inkumi ni byiza ko uzajya uzirikana kujya imbere ye cyangwa guhura nawe wikozeho rwose impumuro imeze neza, uzasanga iteka yifuza kuba kumwe nawe kandi nimunatandukana ntuzigera umuva mu bitekerezo.
3. Irinde kumuhoza ku nkeke no kumugaya buri gihe: Aha munyumve neza mwa nkumi mwe sinshaka kuvuga ko umukunzi wawe natakwitaho, nakora amafuti cyangwa ikindi kidahwitse utazamugaya, ahubwo icyo nshaka kuvuga hano ni uko uzabikorana ubwenge. Wowe uhera ku byiza bye ukajya umushima noneho ibyo atakoraga neza akabikora neza noneho agirango ashimwe aho kubikorera ko wamutonganyije. Urugero hano nabaha, egera umukunzi wawe niba wenda akunda inzoga cyane, umubwire uti: “Uti ariko rata uri umusore mwiza! Nkunda uburyo ugira umurava n’ubwo akenshi uteshuka kubera inzoga” Nkubwije ukuri ko natanagira icyo abivugaho azaba aritaye mu gutwi kandi azumva ko akwiye kuba yazireka kugirango umushime.
4. Mukunde kandi ubyerekane: Muri iki gihe usanga abantu benshi bavuga ngo urukundo rw’ubu nta kigenda, ngo abakobwa b’ubu baratendeka n’ibindi nk’ibyo. Wowe rero mwereke itandukaniro ryawe n’abandi, wikwitwararika ngo wumve ko yazakureka ugaseba ahubwo mukunde, umuteteshe, umwereke ko ufite ishema rye mu bandi uzaba aribwo uharaniye ko atarota akureka. Nubikora neza azumva ko ntaho yagusiga ajya kandi yumve ko ntacyo yakuburanye yaba ajya gushaka.
5. Ikunde wowe ubwawe: Ntugakunde kubwira umukunzi wawe ibibi wibonaho, ngo umubaze ngo ariko ubu kuba narabyibushye cyane ntibikubangamira?…Nsigaye nanga ukuntu ngana, nsigaye narabaye igikara… Nonese numara kumwereka ko wowe ubwawe utikunze kandi utifitiye icyizere niwe uzakikugirira? Sigaho wiba umupfapfa, wowe wabyibuha, wananuka, uruhu rwawe rwahinduka, mwekere ko ukifitiye icyizere kandi wirinde kumwereka ibyo uzi nk’inenge kuri wowe kuko ushobora gutuma ahita ashishoza akanabaza abandi bamuvugira mu matwi ugasanga urisenyeye.
6. Irinde gutuma afuha kandi umurwanire ishyaka: Kuba waba udaca inyuma umukunzi wawe ntibihagije, ukwiye no gukora ibishoboka ngo atagukeka akaba yagufuhira. Niba agukunda, yumva ko uri umukobwa n’abandi basore bifuza nk’uko nawe byagenze bityo akumva ko isaha n’isaha bagutwara. Uko umusore agukunda cyane niko arushaho kumva afite impungenge kuko aba yumva ufite agaciro gahambaye buri wese ukureba akubonamo. Kora ibishoboka byose rero ugabanye urukururano n’abandi basore, ugabanye gutaha amajoro cyane no kugira gahunda zidasobanutse kandi utanazimubwiye, mbese ukore ibishoboka byose ye kujya ahagarika umutima ko hari abandi mufitanye umubano wihariye.
7. Kunda inshuti ze: Niba umusore mukundana afite abasore bagenzi be ubona ko ari inshuti magara, ibuka ko bafite ibyo bahuriyeho kandi bashobora kuba baranamugiriye inama igihe yafataga umwanzuro wo kugusaba urukundo. Wihita uhubuka ngo werekane ko inshuti ze ntaho uhuriye nazo ahubwo ereka umukunzi wawe ko wubaha kandi ukunda inshuti ze ubigiriye we, bizatuma arushaho kugira ishema kandi n’ikibazo mwagirana cyose za nshuti ze zakuvugira neza ku mukunzi wawe igihe cyose waba warazisanzuyeho ukazereka ko koko uri umukobwa w’umutima.
8. Mwereke ko uzi guteka kandi wifuza kuzajya umutekera: Iki ni ikintu abakobwa badaha agaciro cyane ariko mbabwije ukuri burya umusore wese aho ava akagera akunda umukobwa uzi guteka, akunda kuba yazagera aho atekerwa n’umugore, mbese ni ibintu bashyira imbere cyane. N’ubwo mwaba mutarabana rero, ntuzakore ikosa ryo kwakiriza umukunzi wawe ibiryo byatetswe n’umukozi. Nibiba ngombwa jya ureka abanze ahagere maze ushyashyane vuba umutekere; ibyo bihita bituma mu mutwe we atangira kwitekerereza nk’igihe waba umutekera mubana… Aha n’abagore bumvireho, mbere yo kwibaza impamvu umugabo wawe yaryamana n’umukozi, banza wibaze impamvu buri gihe yajya yakirwa n’umukozi ku meza. Yego ntiwareka akazi, ariko kandi igihe utakoze ntuzigere uha umwanya umukozi ngo ateke, kandi no mu gihe cy’akazi nabwo jya wegera umugabo umubaze uti uyu munsi tugutekere iki mugabo mwiza? Nubimubaza azumva ko n’ubwo byatekwa n’umukozi aba yabibwirijwe na nyirabuja.
9. Mukunde nk’ufite uwo murushanwa: Bajya bavuga ngo abagore n’abakobwa bagira inzaratsi. Ibyo nanjye ndabyemera ko zibaho ariko izo nemera si ibyo byatsi n’ibipyuye amaso bindi ntazi, inzaratsi ni ugukunda umukunzi wawe nk’ufite uwo murushanwa, ukamugenera impano, ukajya umukorera utuntu mbese wumva ko nta wundi wabasha kutumukorera ndetse ko n’uwabigerageza atageza ahawe, uba umwifatiye rwose aragenda agatwarwa umutima we ukawigarurira wose uko wakabaye.
10. Menya kumutetesha: Gutetesha burya bibaho mu buryo bwinshi. Ni byiza ko uzirikana ko gushima ibyiza biri ku mukunzi wawe ari ingenzi cyane, ahita yumva ko ahantu akunzwe, ashimwa ntacyo yahanganya. Mwereke ko umuha agaciro kandi ko ari ingenzi cyane kuri wowe, umwereke ko akurutira byose kandi umurutisha bose, umwite utuzina tuzatuma koko yiyumva nk’udasanzwe kuri wowe.
11. Mwereke ko umufuhira: Iyo tuvuze gufuha ntituba tuvuze gukabya. Niba rero umukunzi wawe umukunda, ibuka ko nyine hari n’inzindi nkumi zitabarika zimwifuza, umwereke ko ubizi ko ari mwiza kandi akurura abandi bakobwa, umwereke ko wababazwa no kumubona akundana n’undi mbese yumve ko nawe uzi ko afite igikundiro atari imbere yawe gusa ahubwo n’imbere y’abandi bakobwa.
12. Kora uko ushoboye yiyumve nk’umugabo uhamye: Burya abasore n’iyo baba batarashaka baba bifuza kwitwa abagabo. Niba umukunzi wawe mutarabana, hari uburyo wajya umwereka ko ari umugabo kandi ntacyo abura ngo abe umugabo nyawe n’ubwo igihe cyo kubana cyaba kitaragera. Mwite papa w’abana uzabyara, nimugirana gahunda umubwire uti umugabo niwe ufata umwanzuro mu rugo, nimuba muri kuganira umubwire uti mbona uzambera umugabo w’igitangaza,… Ibyo byose bigenda bituma yiyumva nk’uwarangije kuba umugabo wawe kandi akumva ko akwiye kubiharanira kugeza abigezeho.
13. Tangira umubere umufasha: Iyo umusore afashe icyemezo cyo gushaka, aba yifuza umufasha bazashyira hamwe bagafatanya gukorera urugo, akamubera umujyanama, akamubera umuterankunga mu bitekerezo n’ibindi nk’ibyo. N’ubundi rero mukobwa, n’ubwo mwaba mutarabana birahagije kuba mukundana ngo ujye ubasha kumwungura inama, niba uziko arimo gutegura umunshinga runaka ushake uburyo bwose wamwungura igikerekezo, nugira aho ubona ikiraka cyangwa ikindi cyamugirira akamaro umurangire mbese umwereke ko ushishikajwe cyane n’iterambere rye.
14. Gerageza kwiteza imbere no kwita ku buzima bwawe bw’ahazaza: Ereka umukunzi wawe ko ushoboye, niba ufite akazi ugakore neza, niba uri umunyeshuri wige neza ushyizeho umwete kandi niba utanafite akazi ube umukobwa w’imishinga, kuburyo ubushake bwawe anabishoye yagutera inkunga. Niba ufite akazi wikwemera ko buri gihe ariwe uzajya wishyura buri gihe uko musohokanye, fata igihe nawe wishyure umwereke ko nawe uri umukobwa wihagazeho kandi wabasha kwirwanaho, ibi bizamwereka ko nimunabana atazita ku rugo wenyine kandi binamuhamirize ko utari muri babandi bita “abakuzi b’ibyinyo”
15. Muhe umwanya, wimucungacunga cyane: Burya abahungu ntibakunda kwerekwa n’abakunzi babo ko babacungacunga kuri buri kantu, muhe rero umwanya n’ubwisanzure ureke yiyumvemo ubwigenge no kwifatira ibyemezo bityo azanumva ko akwiye kubikubahira no kwitwara neza, abikore kuko ari ngombwa atari ukubikora kuko wamucungacunze.
16. Gerageza kuba isoko y’ibyishimo n’umunezero bye: Burya iyo umuntu uwo ariwe wese atekereza ibyo kwinjira mu rukundo, nta kindi kintu aba ashyize imbere cyane kitari ugushaka umunezero n’ibyishimo biva mu rukundo. Gerageza rero nawe mukobwa, ukore ibishoboka byose umushimishe kandi burya abasore ntibagorana, kumuganiriza, kumubwira utuntu twiza wabonye, kumubwira udukuru dushimishije byose bimutwara umutima akumva ko ari wowe soko yavomaho umunezero buri gihe.
17. Wikumva ko wageze iyo ujya ngo uterere agati mu ryinyo: Abakobwa benshi ndetse n’abagore, iyo bamaze igihe kinini bakundana n’abakunzi babo hari ubwo bajya bakora ikosa ryo kumva ko bafatishije, ko hari ibitakiri ngombwa ko bakora kuko barangije kwizera ko bakunzwe. Oya wikwishuka rwose, urukundo ni nk’umuzabibu ukenera kuhirirwa, kuvomererwa no gufumbirwa na nyuma y’uko wera imbuto. Nunamara kuba umugore, uzakunde kuzirikana cyane bya bintu wakoraga kera ugirango umushimishe kuko niba biri mu byamunyuze akumva ko mwanabana akaramata, ni uko nyine nabyo yabyifuzaga iteka. Wicika intege rero urukundo rukeneye guhora rwuhirirwa iteka.
18. Fata umwanya nawe ubwe umwiteho:Iyo wamaze gukundana n’umusore ndetse mukagera kuri rwa rwego utangira no gutekereza ibyo kuba mwarushinga, jya uhita unazirikana ko ugomba gutangira gukora bimwe mu byo ugomba kuzakora mwabanye. Menya rero kwita ku musore mukundana hakiri kare, umumenyere imyenda imubera umubwire ayigure cyangwa se umufashe kuyigura, nibinaba ngombwa ndetse mu gihe ubishoboye ujye uba ari wowe uyimugurira. Umumenyere umubavu akwiye kwitera, ujye rimwe na rimwe umuterera agapasi cyangwa unakore ibindi wazanakora mwabanye.
19. Ba umukobwa kandi witware nkabo:Muri iki gihe usanga hari abakobwa bamwe na bamwe bitiranya ibijyanye n’uburinganire ndetse n’ubwuzuzanye, ugasanga bo barabifata nko kwigira ibyigenge bakitwara uko bishakiye. Itware nk’umwari ubereye u Rwanda, umenye ko utagomba kuba umukobwa w’akabari nka bamwe bajya bitwara gutyo, umenye ko utagomba gutaha igicuku no kwigira intakoreka mu muryango ukomokamo.
20. Mwereke ko unyurwa kandi ureke kumuzanaho ibikangisho:Abahungu burya banga abakobwa babashyiraho ibikangisho, bamwe baba bababwira ngo nudakora iki bizagenda gutya, ngo uramutse ukoze ibi ibyanjye nawe byahita birangirira aho, ngo nukora iki ntuzongere kumvugisha,… Wimuzanaho ibikangisho umwereka ko akwiye guterwa ubwoba n’uko wamwanga kuko watuma abikorera icyo cyangwa we agahita akureka. Menya kumwubaha no kumwereka ko ari we mwanzuro w’ubuzima bwawe.